Concert Critic Pillows

"The music was so loud I couldn't hear myself talk."

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

No Elgar!

Piano Recital

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Philip Larkin

A singer being criticised

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

"No concert bookings for at least two weeks. Restringing..."

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

"You're supposed to buy your alcohol here, not bring it with you!"

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

James Levine

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"