Music Score Critic Gifts

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

No Elgar!

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

Ennio Morricone

Philip Larkin

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

Richard Taruskin

Young Simon Cowell

Work stress.

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Randy Newman.

Smashed harp...

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"