Music Critic Gifts

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"I guess you could say I play R+B in a Jazz mode bordering on Modern Rock from a World Music perspective but with Heavy Metal overtones deeply rooted in Mississippi Delta Blues..."

"Ye gods! Not another tedious and derivative top ten single!"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

Music critics of the wild west "I don't like the sound of those drums"

Semi-classical, Quarter-classical and One-eighth-classical.

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'I'm not criticizing your picks, Gary, I'm just saying maybe they're not the first thing I would have grabbed.'

Young Simon Cowell

' I thought I had discovered the next Bob Dylan playing in some small dive in New Jersey. Then I realized it was the old Bob Dylan.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

Bobby Biddle, world's worst country singer.

Cutting a Music Review Out of A Magazine.

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

Clancy Strip:At the Opera

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

'Don't tell me - you've stumbled across the Miley Cyrus video.'

'I prefer his earlier work.'

"It doesn't look too promising."

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Smashed harp...

the world's first music critic...

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"

"Hell, as Jean-Paul Sartre once said, is other peoples' inheritance tracks."

Country Music Awards

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"Who ever told you you could sing?"

Country Music Awards

"And now here's another ditty from the imperialist Yankee dogs, bubbling just under the Hot One Hundred."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''