Music Criticism Gifts

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

No Elgar!

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'I can't tell the kitch from the schlock any more.'

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

A singer being criticised

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Tilted painting

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Don't give up the hunting and gathering.

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

Guillaume Apollinaire

"I'm expected to write a good review of this stuff... So here I go with some confusing art rhetoric."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"That's the fire alarm. . ."