Music Criticism Gifts

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

No Elgar!

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

Tilted painting

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

'I can't tell the kitch from the schlock any more.'

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

A singer being criticised

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"I'm expected to write a good review of this stuff... So here I go with some confusing art rhetoric."

'Turned out non-figurative again...'

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''