Band Critic Gifts

Focus Groupies

No Elgar!

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

A singer being criticised

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

"Oh, no. Not hunters or gatherers...decorators."

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

Smashed harp...

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Young Simon Cowell

The critic as band leader

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"

the world's first music critic...