Band Critic T-Shirts

Focus Groupies

No Elgar!

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

"Oh, no. Not hunters or gatherers...decorators."

Smashed harp...

the world's first music critic...

The critic as band leader

"Hell, as Jean-Paul Sartre once said, is other peoples' inheritance tracks."

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"