Rock Star Critic Gifts

Focus Groupies

Kritik's Korner

The americanisation of vulture.

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

A cross section of the brain shows what a man thinks about.

Armageddon

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

Robbie Williams

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

Nick Cave

Snow White and her Seven people.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

The Music Critic.

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

Aladdin and the magic telemarketer lamp. Your first 3 wishes are free!* *By accepting wishes, user agrees to lifetime monthly charges, activation fees, and all applicable taxes.

Justin Timberlake

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

Thinker, but not too deep: 'I wonder what's on TV tonight?'

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

As Seen Watching TV

David Bowie