Ironic Music Critic Gifts

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

At the CD shop.

Focus Groupies

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Young Simon Cowell

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

Smashed harp...

'I know.. Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

The critic as band leader

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"

the world's first music critic...