Music Critics Gifts

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"And you believe your condition has worsened since listening to our 'hold' music?"

No Elgar!

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

The Music Critic.

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

Philip Larkin

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

Focus Groupies

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Young Simon Cowell

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

Smashed harp...