Channel Changer Connoisseur Gifts

"Have you anything to say before I change your channel?"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

Film Lovers.

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Jack Nicholson

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

C Day Lewis.

Bleak House

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

Robert Denarii: 'You talin' to me.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Roger Moore

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

Ennio Morricone RIP

You talking to me?

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"You're beating him senseless, but what you really want is his approval."

Do you know what the interest on you adjustable-rate mortgage is?

J. Parry Clockmaker

"Sky, sir?"