Cable Channel Connoisseur Gifts

"Baldo, you waste so much time. There's a big world out there, so many people to meet, so many places to see, so many things to experience."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

Your Leaders Putting Words Into More Words

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

A Highly Networked Staff

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."

'Oh no! I've had tons wiped off my footprint.'

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

'Must...find...something...intelligent..!'

'Slow Connection'

Do you know what the interest on you adjustable-rate mortgage is?

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

I liked the book better than the movie, but not as much as the "Dateline." "20/20," or "Primetime Live" specials.

Vladimir Ashkenazy

"The President said he hoped the bill would receive broad bipartisan support from within the Democratic Party."

Modern Accomplisments

Wife about hubby: 'He's all woogie, no boogie.'

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Online dating: How big is your dongle?

'I wouldn't say he gets NO exercise - he does have to use his thumbs on the remote'

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

'I hated our island vacation - everything was beautiful, but I had no cell service.'

He still won't talk - we might need to try the good wifi-bad wifi routine.