Cable Connoisseur Gifts

'Stop grumbling. The cable guy will be here tomorrow.'

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Wow! Fibre optic cables are really tear-proof!"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Dialogue

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

Your Leaders Putting Words Into More Words

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"It's not easy texting my mother. She's an English teacher and all she does is correct my spelling."

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."