Tv Connoisseur Gifts

"I feel that if I wait here long enough Oprah will give me something."

Wife about hubby: 'He's all woogie, no boogie.'

"We never watch what I want."

'I wouldn't say he gets NO exercise - he does have to use his thumbs on the remote'

'At the moment he's watching the programme all the critics' agree is an insult to human intelligence...'

"It's times like this that make me wish...there was something good to watch on TV."

"I don't know why we watch this rubbish!"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Television Readers.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

TV jester.

TV-Man

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Big screen TV.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Which news channel should we watch?"

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

100 best beheadings

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'