Sitcom Connoisseur Gifts

"We've agreed, then—earthlings cannot join the Intergalactic Federation until they've improved the quality of their sitcoms."

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

"How many times are you going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The Snarky District

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'