Comical Connoisseur Gifts

"Seriously?? All these years swimming in shark infested seas, just to catch a few fish, and you're telling me all we needed was a rod and a bucket of bait?"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

The Trojan Beagle.

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Emergency Phone.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."