Comical Connoisseur Gifts

"Seriously?? All these years swimming in shark infested seas, just to catch a few fish, and you're telling me all we needed was a rod and a bucket of bait?"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

Bangers and Mash

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."