Ceremony Joker Gifts

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'He does.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Marriage Returns

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"I now pronounce you guilty."

RETIREMENT VOWS

Anger Management Class: Gone berserk, back in one hour.

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"I'm so nervous! I feel like you're all in my stomach."

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

'Ahmadinejad strikes me as the kind of man Jay Leno makes jokes about...'

'Hold everything! -- My left brain just kicked in!'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

Why Pilgrims wore so many buckles...

"I hired out a double for this bit."

'You may kiss the bride, but no tongue.'

Watermelon Cult

"Please turn off your GPS!"