Celestial Tech Critics Gifts

No cellphones in heaven

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

Shoe repair

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Be sure to walk you Asteroid twice a day.

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

"In my day we had trimphones."

Halo Repair

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"I'm trying to call my boss to tell him I have to miss the meeting but I can't get any service."

Weapons of mass distractions

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"I couldn't believe it either, but Heaven really is a dumbed-down book fair."

Halo Theft

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'