Celestial Tech Critics Prints

No cellphones in heaven

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

Shoe repair

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

Be sure to walk you Asteroid twice a day.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

"In my day we had trimphones."

Halo Repair

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"I couldn't believe it either, but Heaven really is a dumbed-down book fair."

Space Construction Co. What will we use for framing materials? Moonbeams!

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

Campaign Rally. I've heard about these human elections but don't understand them. Anybody with even the most rudimentary processor should see the glaring errors in the budget and tax proposals. And the way campaign promises are broken, it seems like nobody has any memory chips at all. Most importantly, why do they hold elections only every couple of years. Yeah, without upgrading they're stuck with obsolete leaders in less than twelve months!

"I'm trying to call my boss to tell him I have to miss the meeting but I can't get any service."

Weapons of mass distractions

Halo Theft

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"Frankly, your credit score concerns me."