Celestial Critic Gifts

"On the other hand, Louise N. of Metuchen, New Jersey, only gives you three stars."

Rate your stay on earth. Would you recommend earth to a friend?

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

"Before you come in could we have some feedback on your death experience?"

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

A little night music...

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

First Cynic in Space

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Our management consultant has recommended we employ another management consultant to explore cutting the budget we have for management consultants."

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

'And God created man in his own image.'