Celebrity Skeptic Gifts

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"I used to be pro Bono. . . but since he became a tax exile he lost a fan."

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"Oh no, not another comedy clips with celebs pretending it's funny!"

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'And in conclusion...'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

At the 'Feel Good' movie of the year.

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

Celebrity Autobiography...

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'I blame the internet.'

'The 12 Habits of People Just Barely Holding Their Own.'

'It just doesn't seem right -- a computer-generated reality show.'

'-and do you always tell street interviewers to xxyzz!! off, sir?'

"Grown men! There's no such thing, Molly."

Ahmadinejad in New York.

"I never saved for a rainy day...I grew up shopping in an enclosed mall!"

"I don't think you're being realistic."

He's got a lousy voice!

You've got to get on board with celebrity endorsements. People love your voice. They trust it. Bite me. Okay, then we'll find someone else to dupe your pathetic audience, sell them stuff they don't need and make them feel deep regret. Hold on. You never mentioned the spiritual benefits. I didn't want to play this card. To think of the shame I could inflict.

"That time facebook went down for a few hours isn't that big a deal. Little buddy!"

Fear of giving presentations can grow out of all proportion.

'You'll have to hang on a second, dear - I need to re-boot.'

'...just a reminder, this really is the news. It's not a movie or one of those reality shows.'

'Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night, will ever stop the US Postal Service...from raising rates.'

The Following Program Contains Scenes Which Could Give Rise To Feelings Of Inadequacy. Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

"I've been watching British shows on hulu. They're strange."