Stand-up Skeptic Gifts

Ahmadinejad in New York.

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Open House of Horrors

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'And in conclusion...'

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Not bad idea! But no quit day job.'

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Priest to congregation, "I'm no different to you just because I wear a dog collar."

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

The first meeting.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

'I blame the internet.'

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

'It just doesn't seem right -- a computer-generated reality show.'