Cat-loving Sister Pillows

'The good news is that you don't have apnea. The bad news is that Fluffy sleeps on your face.'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

'Fragile little dogs are not supposed to enjoy walks in such weather.'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"It doesn't do anything all day but eat and sleep and get waited on by a staff of bipeds. I think we've found the leader."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

"Cat park"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

Spring is coming... Sunshine, warmer weather... and MUD

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

"No thank you - The people who live here, worship me. . !!"

'We don't do tricks.. because then they'll begin to expect it.'

"Anxiety? No, nothing that I've noticed out of the ordinary."

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

Remote-controlled cat flap.

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

Why cat yoga classes don't work