Casual Philosophers Gifts

Lazy Desert Island Gag

Tonight's topic. Lifestyle: Being your best self. We don't actually have a "lifestyle" -- we just wing it.

It's easy accepting responsibility for your actions when you never take any actions in the first place.

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Let there be cool.'

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

The Meaning of Life

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."