Cash Back Connoisseur Gifts

"Here's a blues number I wrote anout paying my dues with the cash back I got on my platinum card."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

The Personal ATM

Man frozen in portrait pose.

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

C Day Lewis.

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

Bleak House

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

Agency Moody's comments

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"With this app, I can track my savings. It counts cash, categorizes cash, and calculates cash interest."

Ask Mr. Buck: Financial Advisor. "Dear Mr. Buck, Why do so many people have trouble with their finances?" Money talks, but it does not give directions. (Published previously on Nov. 15, 2004.)

The Croucho Club

'I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.'

Stock marketeers shooting each other playfully with guns full of money

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'Actually, I was hoping for oversized with a graphite shaft'

"If you're going to grub for something, it might as well be money."

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

Sergei Rachmaninov