Claims Connoisseur Gifts

"Typical! I'm just making a claim on our insurance and they say it ran out just half an hour ago!"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Felix Mendelssohn

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"My kid could do that."

S**t Threw a Goose

Sculptor's chippings

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Moliere

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Bleak House

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Charles Dickens.

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

C Day Lewis.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Anton Bruckner.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

NBA on strike.