Carb Dodgers Gifts

Church of the Low-Carbs

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

'They are worried about the economy.'

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

"Now where's that idiot hiding? He was supposed to fix the door."

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'I really think we need to change the bin bag...'

'Hey Harry? Remember all those things you're going to do when hell freezes over?'

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"Can you get this finished before he wakes up?"

'I see you are cutting back on your salt intake.'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'