Gym Dodgers Gifts

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Do you think I'm army material, Randy? I think you'd be a real asset to the army. Really? Pain is an asset, because otherwise, how would one appreciate pleasure? Loneliness is an asset, for otherwise how would one appreciate love? I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership. Death is an asset. How else would one cherish life?

HEALTH CLUB, 'It's just a bunch of guys sitting around eating breakfast cereal.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"Any yet he's always on my case."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Yes, black holes are very interesting, but what has this got to do with you not producing any homework?"

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"You're not ready for school to start, are you?"

"You should have been here at eight!"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'