Fitness Dodger Gifts

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

I don't exercise. A little guilt is by far the lesser of two evils.

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'