Hydration Dodger Gifts

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"It's your turn to change his diaper!"

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

Motivation

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'