Dairy Dodger Gifts

Extremely Lactose Intolerant

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

Nun Binning the Devil

'sugar and spice my eye.'

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

Never Ask A Man To Change The Baby.

The Demon's Disguise

Revenuers will be shot.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"Accursed global warming!"

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

It's always such a relief when the first resolution falls!

"Baldo? You left green beans on your plate!"

Dieter's 'To-Do' list...

"He forgot to record the game, so he had to watch it live. The 1,284 commercials was too much for him to handle."

Patches never suspected his best friend had betrayed him.

Midnight Snack