Dairy Dodger Mugs

Extremely Lactose Intolerant

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'sugar and spice my eye.'

Nun Binning the Devil

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Hunter hits duck with ejected shell.

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

The Demon's Disguise

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

Revenuers will be shot.

Never Ask A Man To Change The Baby.

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"Accursed global warming!"

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

It's always such a relief when the first resolution falls!

Midnight Snack

Dieter's 'To-Do' list...

Dan was becoming increasingly lactose intolerant.

Patches never suspected his best friend had betrayed him.