Healthy Habit Dodger Gifts

'He's going to say how good I look for my age.' -- 'He needs to give up smoking, drinking, do more exercise, take up swimming...' -- 'LIES!'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"It has come to my attention, Collins, that you are hydrating on company time."

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Since when is 'Broccoli man' a superhero?"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

'I have decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of the bedroom.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Caution! This tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"You're mad at your parents? Why?"

'I see you are cutting back on your salt intake.'