Health Hazard Dodger Gifts

"Caution! This tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'They are worried about the economy.'

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

"Yeah, almost didn't make it out of that one."

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

"Albert was happy. He hadn't caught corona on his ski vacation nor had he broken any bones."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"I wouldn't reach in there to retrieve your ball. I learned that lesson the hard way."

You are here... ...Run!!!

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"You're mad at your parents? Why?"

Cycling Deaths

'After a close examination I think I know why Tabatha keeps wandering onto busy roads.'

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

'How about a bike ride?' 'Nah, the seat hurts my butt, and I'd have to put air in the tires, and I'd have to put shorts on so my pant leg doesn't get caught and...' 'And you'd have to get up.' 'And I'd have to get up.'

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

A 3D TV distracts as a truck crashes through a wall.

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

'Oh and can my Mum gtake me - around in her 4x4 - Sir?'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."