Diet Dilemma Dodger Gifts

'I see you are cutting back on your salt intake.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

Church of the Low-Carbs

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

'Dinner.'

"You're mad at your parents? Why?"

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

'Forget the water, give me some golf clubs. I haven't swung a club in days.'

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

Fridge with sign - 'Contents may not be suitable for those with weight problems'.

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

"I ate all the wrong things today."

"I am sticking to the diet. This is just a fat jumper."

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

'It's called the 'Phone Diet.' but I don't think it works. I've been pressing the 'Pound' key all day and haven't lost a single one.'

'I'm semi-bulimic, I binge but I don't purge.'