Fitness Dodger Prints

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."