Lazy Chore Dodger Gifts

Man sweeps dust under carpet and small man sweeps it out.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"It's your turn to change his diaper!"

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Now where's that idiot hiding? He was supposed to fix the door."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'