Lazy Chore Dodger Pillows

Man sweeps dust under carpet and small man sweeps it out.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."