Lawn Chore Dodger Pillows

'Look on the bright side. Now you won't have to mow the lawn.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"Leave your weekends open. I'll be dropping a lot more of these."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

"Thank you, sir."

"Now where's that idiot hiding? He was supposed to fix the door."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

"A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for ever."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."