Lawn Chore Dodger Gifts

'Look on the bright side. Now you won't have to mow the lawn.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Leave your weekends open. I'll be dropping a lot more of these."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for ever."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'