Carb Dodgers Pillows

Church of the Low-Carbs

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

"My voices told me to just relax today!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

'They are worried about the economy.'

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"The dishes are done. You can come out now."

"I'll do the dishes as soon as I finish learning how to play the piano."

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

'Hey Harry? Remember all those things you're going to do when hell freezes over?'

'I really think we need to change the bin bag...'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"Can you get this finished before he wakes up?"

"...And why is it always my job to change the newspaper?..."

'Thought Bubble Gum: 'Oh no! ... I'm going to get words all over my face!''

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."