Carb Dodger Gifts

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Complex Carbs

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Complex Carbohydrates

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

Crusty Bread

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'They are worried about the economy.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Church of the Low-Carbs

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'