Carb Dodger T-Shirts

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Complex Carbs

Complex Carbohydrates

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

Crusty Bread

'They are worried about the economy.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Church of the Low-Carbs

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Carb free support group: 'Oh boy! I can have my cake and not eat it, too!'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.