Smog Dodger T-Shirts

'They are worried about the economy.'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

The Fast Lane.

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Is Driving Doomed?

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Air freshener - pollution.

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

'The view is great, but sometimes you've got to hang out with the non-fliers.'

"I admire the way you avoided that radar trap."

Fume detector

"Are you listening to me?"

Run. Freeze. Run again! Turn around. Run! No, freeze!

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"If you'd bullshitted your work like the rest of us, you'd be home by now."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

"Caution! This tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

"Thanks to the holiday-traffic avoidance kit I bought off the Internet, we'll be at the store and back in no time."

'Oh hey Dan, remember how I said we were gonna go camping this week? Well then it started to rain, and I noticed your empty garage here, so...'

"Accursed global warming!"

'Do you realize we could be waiting in line at the restaurant by now, Patty?'

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."