Carb Critic Gifts

You're inventing agriculture, eh? Well, okay --- if you think you can handle the carbs.

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Car Emissions

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

Privacy Stops Where the Parking Lot Begins

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Complex Carbohydrates

Complex Carbs

"Med Brittle"

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Critics In Love

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

Crusty Bread

Bakery. Don't you just love that new carb smell?!

Candy Land for Adults

"I got horse dewormer..."

Ernie's on a high-protein diet and craving foods he can't have. They're creeping into everything he says. Whatcha watching, Ernie? I'm trying to decide between "Game of Scones" and that zombie show, "The Walking Bread." Later I might watch some "Dancing with the Starch." Ernie, leave room for that political drama you enjoy so much. Oh yeah, I love binging on "House of Carbs"!

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'

'And in today's health market - coffee is up, fats are mixed, and sugar continues its downward slide.'

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

Pat Buchanan - Political Commentator.

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Trump in Disappointing Halloween Candy

"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"