Carb Analyst Gifts

"I just wish you would try counting your blessings the way you do your carbs."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'It's not the global warming it's the humidity.'

S**t Creek Halt

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"We re cutting back on overhead."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Complex Carbs

The Finger.

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

Great Urban Sprawl

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

Your blood sugar is off the charts."

'They are calling for a demonstration on climate change.'

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

'An Inferiority Complex Carbohydrate.' A loaf of Blunder Bread thinking, 'Sigh ... other breads have more fiber and fewer carbs than I do ... '

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

Deliverers of fine fuel protests.

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Carbon suicide

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

Young Professional Recipe Test

Bad Carbs

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

Supreme Gas

'Here's your problem - you need more air in your tires for better gas mileage...'