Carb Counter Gifts

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"No body of Christ for me, thanks - I'm trying to cut back on carbs."

'An Inferiority Complex Carbohydrate.' A loaf of Blunder Bread thinking, 'Sigh ... other breads have more fiber and fewer carbs than I do ... '

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

Your blood sugar is off the charts."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

All Natural Nothing

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'Diet considerations.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'