Carb Counter Gifts

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"No body of Christ for me, thanks - I'm trying to cut back on carbs."

'An Inferiority Complex Carbohydrate.' A loaf of Blunder Bread thinking, 'Sigh ... other breads have more fiber and fewer carbs than I do ... '

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

Your blood sugar is off the charts."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

All Natural Nothing

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'