Carb Analyst Pillows

"I just wish you would try counting your blessings the way you do your carbs."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

'It's not the global warming it's the humidity.'

S**t Creek Halt

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

"We re cutting back on overhead."

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Complex Carbs

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

The Finger.

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'They are calling for a demonstration on climate change.'

Great Urban Sprawl

Your blood sugar is off the charts."

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

'An Inferiority Complex Carbohydrate.' A loaf of Blunder Bread thinking, 'Sigh ... other breads have more fiber and fewer carbs than I do ... '

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

Carbon suicide

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

Deliverers of fine fuel protests.

Young Professional Recipe Test

Bad Carbs

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Supreme Gas