Car Crash Recovery Gifts

'I'm sorry to hear about your Husband's little car crash... By the way, here's my bill for fixing his brakes.'

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

"What old school? This is my life."

Barbeque Casualty.

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

Big slipper.

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

'This is your lucky day!'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

'Well, it wasn't the motor -- I'll try replacing the other stuff.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"Yep, she's gonna cost ya—your microprocessor's shot."

"Oh...that's not good."

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'I've been in this business a long time, and believe me that's not laughing.'