Accident Recovery Gifts

Lucky break.

'You'll be up and out of here in no time. They just found out you're not covered by medical insurance.'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'What are YOU doing here?'

Broken Leg

"The surgeon had a slight speech impediment, so I'm not sure which thing he said I may never do again."

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."

"And I promise to never again clip my toenails when you're in the room!"

"Wonderful news, love, the ticker you bought before slippin' on that banana skin outside the shop. It's won £1,275,391!"

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"And hold the mayo."

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'This is typical of you. Lying in bed all day, expecting to be waited on, hand and foot!'

'...then this gorgeous blonde fell into my arms, she's just fallen off the roof.'

Big slipper.

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

They're from the window box that fell on you.

"Now more tickling Daddy for a while, 'kay Pudding?"

'It's lucky for you your legs are O.K.!'

'All this just because the hydraulic thingamajiggy slipped.'

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'This is my lucky day... you just won the lottery.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Wasn't I lucky to have brought my umbrella?'

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."