After A Traffic Accident Gifts

'The last thing I heard was 'Go on, you've got the right of way!''

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

Barbeque Casualty.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Nice park. . .

"You call all this a side effect?"

Driver sees road sign: 'Right Lane Doomed'

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

Big slipper.

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

'This is your lucky day!'

Billgeville's new pedestrian monkey bars not only reduced accidents but also whipped people into great shape.

'Squint your eyes and grit your teeth so I can make sure it's you.'

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"The good news is, I got religion!"

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

Give Way To Cyclists

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

Zero gravity ahead.

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'